dandikat

“Past Karkat is an idiot, Future Karkat is an idiot, and Present Karkat is the biggest grubfucking idiot of all.”  He’s just sitting there with his knees pulled up, arms around himself like that can hold him together.  It’s not helping, but he can still pretend it is.  Karkat tries not to look at Danny because he knows what look he’ll see.  He knows he’ll see that look of too-human pity that has nothing to do with romance and everything to do with thoughts like, “I want to help but I have no idea what the hell to do, oh God please don’t cry” and “Oh my God should I hug him or will that make him fall apart? What do I do?!”  So he keeps his eyes on the ground in front of his feet as the ghost-boy sits beside him.

“I’m not going to pretend to know how to help, but I will tell you that not all of that is your fault.”  Danny’s voice is surprisingly strong.

Karkat risks a glance in Danny’s direction and there’s pity on the human’s face, but there’s also determination.  "What the fuck makes you say that?  I was the leader; it was my responsibility to make sure things didn’t fall apart! I’m a fucking failure! Over half my team is dead, I’m stuck here instead of on the meteor that’s hurtling through space and I have no fucking clue how I got here and fuck if I know how to get back, and the rest of my team is falling apart - HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU SAY IT’S NOT MY FAULT!?  The worst part is that my teammates would still be alive if I hadn’t allowed them to kill each other!  They fucking killed each other and I should have stopped them! I should have handled the situation but I didn’t! DO YOU SEE WHAT I’M SAYING HERE!?  ALL OF THAT SHIT COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED IF I HAD DONE MY FUCKING JOB! EVERYONE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE!“  Karkat’s whole body is shaking but Danny’s expression doesn’t change.

"I’m not saying you didn’t make any mistakes.  I’m saying that you have no control over what anyone else does.  You did not tell them to kill anybody.  You did not kill anybody.  It is not your fault that they killed each other.  It is not your fault!  Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“I still messed up…”  Karkat looks back to his feet, eyes defeated.

“Yeah, but people make mistakes.  Sometimes bad things happen because of those mistakes.  But it’s pointless to dwell on it.  That just makes it harder to make things right.”

Karkat looks back to Danny to find him looking at his own feet, a distant look in his eyes.  "What mistake did you make?“  Karkat doesn’t know exactly how he knows, but Danny is definitely speaking from experience.

Danny’s gaze shifts back to Karkat and says, "I cheated on a test,” and doesn’t say anymore.  He moves to get up before Karkat ask any more questions.  "Come on, it’s almost time to meet Sam and Tucker.  He thinks he might be able to help you figure out how you got here.“  Danny holds out his hand to Karkat and is surprised when he actually accepts the help.  The troll still looks upset, and Danny’s pretty sure this isn’t the end of that particular conversation, but at least Karkat doesn’t look like he’s about to freak out again.